The last time I checked, millions of individuals across the globe were still hiding under the shell of a societal cankerworm known as “I am right” that’s liable to erode countless relationships found among the human race if not adequately and carefully addressed.

Few months ago, I ran into a childhood pal called Samuel somewhere in Lagos State, Nigeria. In the process of our conversation, I learnt he got estranged with his spouse a few weeks back. With the burning quest to ascertain what actually truncated a happy five-year-old marriage, I requested he had a drink with me at a nearby bar.

Summarily, the truth of the matter was that he battered the woman in question mercilessly, thus she decided to leave their matrimonial home based on her parents’ persuasions. It seemed that wasn’t the first time he would display such an attitude, but was reportedly the worst of all so far.

As I sipped my stout beer from the glass cup, just as he did with his lager, I enquired what really prompted the ruthless action. Mr Samuel claimed she gave him the insult of his life, stating he was called names.

Having gotten infuriated with the whole story, I therein unequivocally blamed the dude entirely, telling him that that was not an enough excuse. I further notified his person that insult of any kind shouldn’t warrant any iota of assault in a marriage, or any form of relationship. I observed he wasn’t pleased with my judgement but I didn’t bloody care.

To shorten the long story, I went further to inquire if he had showed remorse over the uncalled reaction. I learned till that moment, being about three weeks after the incident, he was yet to think of visiting his wife’s parental home let alone tendering an apology. To worsen it, my friend eventually told me he didn’t see anything wrong with what he did.

From the blunt response, I understood Mr Samuel was trying to hide under a certain norm that holds the thought that ‘a man is always right’. It’s not anymore news that in some African traditional settings, you cannot tell a man to his face that he is wrong when trying to mediate between him and his spouse. And, such an existing belief has ostensibly succeeded in beclouding the sense of reasoning of most men, particularly the young ones.

The fact is that the ‘I’m right’ syndrome has continued to endanger various healthy relationships. The paradox is that most of these staggering or pale-looking relationships were rightly built on a golden pedestal. But the inability to show remorse by any of the party involved, having erred, continually poses threat to the anticipated growth of the union.

Allowing your extremism mentality to control your actions would definitely make any relationship you are into crash on arrival. You aren’t supposed to strongly believe in everything. Don’t live the life of a fanatic. Sometimes, compromise is highly consequential, especially when it calls for a way forward.

Relationships are about compromise or sacrifice. Hence, you must be willing at all times to give up on a certain ideology just for peace to reign. If your ego is the problem, you must sacrifice it to enable other things you yearn for to flow. It’s noteworthy that ego had abruptly ended countless enticing unions than death did.

You must, therefore, be willing to give up that venom in your system that is unabated, posing a threat to your cherished relationship. One thing must give way to the other.

It’s always crucial to acknowledge that everybody can never be right at the same time. Someone must be wrong. And when you are right or wrong, your conscience will certainly communicate to you concerning where you belong. It suffices to assert that you are invariably expected to listen to the aforementioned feature (conscience), because it is the only tool that can lead you to the apt path.

Even when you are right, you can assume that you are wrong just for the sake of a way forward. It’s simply like a battlefield where someone must accept defeat. This is where maturity comes in. Honestly, it takes a mature mindset to keep a relationship going or alive. Maturity is like lubrication oil in any ongoing union.

Similarly, immaturity in a relationship is not unlike a bad tyre in a moving vehicle. The latter can never move properly until you change the former. And if the driver tries to manage the situation, it would surely draw the journey backwards; hence, he will never arrive at his proposed destination. Aside from not getting to the destination, it might even cause an accident in the process.

So, maturity is one of the key recipes in any relationship in existence, be it business, friendship, courtship, marriage, or what have you. It would make us possess a flexible mindset rather than a rigid one, thereby keeping us away from the dangers of fanaticism.

The said pattern of ideology (fanaticism) possesses venom that bears the potential of destroying, within a twinkle of an eye, what a man has suffered in building for years.

For crying out loud, you can’t continue to say ‘I am right’ even when aware that you’re wrong. Don’t cheat on your conscience if you truly want your relationship to excel. There are definitely no two ways about it.

‘I am sorry’ doesn’t really mean you are wrong. It rather means you truly cherish the relationship more than your ego. 

The Tiwa Savage’s sex tape scandal; what the law says about obtaining and leaking of someone’s nudes, sex tapes and private contents without consent.

There have been numerous cases recently in Nigeria where persons become victims of losing their private videos and pictures to cyber criminals and the private contents getting leaked in the internet space without their approval or consent and it now seem that the order of the day is sextortion ie, obtaining or having someone’s nude or private videos or pictures and threatening to spread it across the internet if the victim refuses to agree to terms which is usually monetary terms or extortion. The negative impact of leaked sex tapes and nudes are always huge on the victim’s life and most times, the victim end up not recovering from the blow and the individual risk losing everything he/she have built and ever worked for.

In November 2019, a female student of a tertiary institution in Nigeria became a hot topic and trend across the internet platforms when her sex video got leaked and made its way to the internet. She lost her studentship as she was rusticated from the school which was a way of the management of the institution disassociating themselves from her. She didn’t just lost her public face, she also lost her family and friends as nobody ever wanted to Identify with her anymore, she lost almost everything she worked for as she was forced to start life afresh.

Recently, a popular female Nigerian pop star, was on the news that a cyber bully got a hold of her private intimate video where she was making out with her spouse and threatened to leak it to the internet if she didn’t pay the money she’s been asked of. She stood her grounds and refused to succumb to the threats of the sextionist, unfortunately the sex tape was released and it has been blazing through the internet like a wild fire.

We can’t pretend that this scandal won’t have a negative impact on the lovable singer’s career and reputation as she risks losing business partners, friends, fans, followers, business deals, contracts and even endorsement deals as most endorsement deals and brand ambassadorships come with moral and decency clauses that give the company right to exit the contract if the celebrity gets involved in any scandal that could tarnish the company’s reputation by mere associating themselves with the celebrity.

It won’t be far from the truth to say that the question bugging everyones’ mind at the moment is; ‘’is there no law in Nigeria put in place against this kinds of act of obtaining and leaking peoples’ nudes or sex tape without their consents, sextortion, cyberstalking and cyber bullying, voyeurism, unlawful surveillance, violation of person’s privacy and invasion of one’s privacy etc?’’

It is pertinent to note that although there’s a need for more legislations on issues like this but there are existing laws already in place covering issues of this nature; The criminal Code Act and the cybercrime Act of 2015 will be of interest to us here.

Chapter 33 of the criminal code Act makes provision for the offense of defamation of ones character and clearly states that defamatory matters are matters that are likely to injure one’s reputation and the defamator risk going to jail for this.

S.373 of the Criminal Code Act which is titled; defamation of character reads thus;
Defamatory matter is matter likely to injure the reputation of any person by exposing him to hatred, contempt, or ridicule, or likely to damage any person in his profession or trade by any injury to his reputation.

S. 374 of the Criminal Code Act further provides;
(1) For the purposes of this Code, the publication of defamatory matter is?

(b) ….the exhibiting of it in public, or causing it to be read or seen, or showing or delivering it, or causing it to be shown or delivered, with intent that it may be read or seen by the person defamed or by any other person.

Furthermore, S. 375 of the Criminal Code Act provides;
Subject to the provisions of this Chapter, any person who publishes any defamatory matter, is guilty of a misdemeanor and is liable to imprisonment for one year; and any person who publishes any defamatory matter knowing it to be false, is liable to imprisonment for two years.

Finally, S. 376 of the Act provides;
Any person who publishes, or threatens to publish, or offers to abstain from publishing, or offers to prevent the publication of defamatory matter, with intent to extort money or other property, or with intent to induce any person to give, confer, procure, or attempt to procure, to, upon, or for, any person, any property or benefit of any kind, is guilty of a felony and is liable to imprisonment for seven years.

These provisions of the Criminal code of chapter 33, specifically from s.373 to s.376 provides for punishment of 1-2 years for the offense of defamation while sextortion or publication of defamatory matter with the intent to extort the victim carry a punishment of up to 7 years.

The provisions of the criminal code act was reemphasized in the cybercrime act of 2015 and we will be highlighting the specific sections of the cybercrime act:

S.23 (2) Cybercrime Act of 2015 states;
Any person who knowingly makes or sends other pornographic images to another computer by way of unsolicited distribution shall be guilty of an offence and upon conviction shall be sentenced to One year imprisonment or a fine of Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand Naira or both. Also, S. 24. Of the Cybercrime Act further provides;
Any person who knowingly or intentionally sends a message or other matter by means of computer systems or network that –
(a) is grossly offensive, pornographic or of an indecent, obscene or menacing character or causes any such message or matter to be so sent; or
(b)…commits an offence under this Act and shall be liable on conviction to a fine of not more than N7,000,000.00 or imprisonment for a term of not more than 3 years or to both such fine and imprisonment.

These legislations have been judicially noticed in a recent case; suit number: MCI/2C/2012 where a boy of 20 years got hold of private pictures and videos of a well known public officer in Imo state, a state in Eastern part of Nigeria and was using the said private pictures to extort the man, the cyberbully was arrested and charged to court. The magistrate court sentenced him to 1 year imprisonment in accordance to s.373 to s.376 of the Criminal code Act and sections 23 & 24 of the cybercrime act 2015 both applicable in Imo state, Nigeria. The presiding magistrate while sentencing the accused was heard to have said; ‘this would serve as a deterrent to other people who may be threading on such dastard path’.

While we agree that due to recent cases of obtaining and leaking of people nudes and sex tapes, cyberbullying/ cyber stalking, invasion of privacy, sextortion, voyeursim etc, there’s a need for more encompassing laws on these issues with more stiffer punishments but individuals shouldn’t be ignorant of the fact that acts like this is not just a civil wrong but also a crime and the criminal risks a jail term of 1-7 years and when it involves an infant or a person who is under age, the punishment is more stiffer as the offender risks getting jailed for a term of 5- 10 years or N10-N20 million naira fine or even both the prison terms and the fine as it was clearly provided S.23 of the cyber crime act, 2015.

On this day, a year ago, Nigerian youths had gathered at the Lekki Toll Gate in Lagos, following days of protest against police brutality dubbed #EndSARS. The EndSARS protest, which unprecedentedly spiraled into a global movement, was described as the most successful demonstration in Nigeria’s history.

It was a situation the government, under President Muhammadu Buhari, did not want to see. In the eve of October 20, 2020, Nigerian soldiers had arrived at the Lekki Toll Gate and started shooting on the protestors, killing scores and putting the protest to a deadly end.

The shooting of October 20, 2020, has come to be known as “Lekki Massacre,” a bloody stain that has further strained the relationship between the Nigerian government and its young people. A year later, in remembrance of their brothers, sisters and friends, who sustained injury and those who lost their lives to the brutal firepower of those in uniform, Nigerians have convened #EndSarsMemorial, in outcry for justice for the victims and reforms for safe policing.

“On the first anniversary of October 20th, 2020, like many Nigerians, I have struggled with coming to terms with the sobering events of that day,” former President of the Senate, Dr. Bukola Saraki said. “My thoughts and prayers are with those who lost their lives, loved ones, and sustained injuries or other losses at the Lekki Toll Gate and at various locations in Lagos and around the country when security agencies were deployed to clamp down on the protests and non-state actors took advantage to cause chaos and mayhem.”

As the memories of the ugly incident reechoe through pictures, videos of the victims and blood stained Nigerian flags circulating on social networks, the pain deepens. Not only because no one has taken responsibility for what happened in Lekki Toll Gate nor because the victims of the massacre are yet to get justice, but also because one year after, not much has changed.

SARS was disbanded in an apparent attempt (which has been a ritual for years) to appease protesters, and a seeming move to meet their 5 for 5 demands. A new anti-robbery squad named SWAT was formed, in what many believe to be a whitewashing of the same characters that constitute rogue police units.

The 5 for 5 demands of EndSARS protestors are: (1) Immediate release of all arrested protesters; (2) Justice for all deceased victims of police brutality and appropriate compensation for their families; (3) Setting up and independent body to oversee the investigation and prosecution of all aspects of police misconduct (within 10 days); (4) In line with the new Police Act, psychological evaluation and retraining (to be ascertained by an independent body) of all officers of the defunct SARS before they can be redeployed and (5) Increase police salary so that they are adequately compensated for protecting lives and property of citizens.

Out of these five demands, none could be said to have been fully implemented. Although EndSARS panels of inquiry were convened across several states in the country, awarding hundreds of millions of naira in damages to a few victims of police brutality who summoned courage to file complaints, most of the officers involved in the crime are yet to be prosecuted.

A recent report noted that about 300 EndSARS protesters are still languishing in different correctional centers (prisons) across the country.

“It is worrying that despite the acceptance of the “5 for 5 Demands,” nothing has really been done to resolve the issues that caused the protest in the first place. None of the policemen accused of torturing and extrajudicially murdering Nigerian citizens have been brought to justice, there has been no marked improvement in the funding or quality of equipment available to the Nigerian Police Force and these incidents of torture continue in many security facilities nationwide,” Saraki said.

“None of the perpetrators of the attacks on Nigerians exercising their rights to peaceful assembly have been arrested or prosecuted, despite many of them being identified,” he added.

A typical evidence of this is in the statement issued by the Lagos State Police Commissioner, Mr. Hakeem Odumusu, warning that the police will not allow any kind of street protest. In his words, “the police will use legitimate means within their constitutional powers to suppress the planned protest… therefore, individuals or groups sponsoring such protest are warned to desist from such unpatriotic plan or face the full weight or wrath of the law.”

The question that many have not stopped asking is; which law was Mr. Odumusu talking about when he issued this statement?  Given that the right to protest is constitutionally enshrined in Section 38 of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, and the Court of Appeal ruling in IGP vs ANPP 2008, stated that it is the right of citizens to conduct peaceful processions, rallies or demonstrations without seeking and obtaining permission from the police.

Contrary to this constitutional provision, the Nigerian Police Force, like always, have taken their station at Lekki Toll Gate in their numbers, in a show of force designed to deter the commemoration of Lekki Massacre. Across other states where the protest is billed to take place, the measures are the same. Reports coming from the protest grounds say that many have been tear-gassed and arrested.

According to rights advocates and civil liberty organizations, the unfolding events in a democratic society is an indication that Nigerian security agencies have lost the capacity to learn or show the civility that their work requires. It is also an indication of failure by the Nigerian State, to modernize its institutions and educate its personnel to reflect democratic ideals in their operations.

At the high cost of blood and livelihood, the status quo has been sustained to the detriment of Nigeria’s young generation, who inadvertently have to reckon with the institutionalized brutality by those who are supposed to protect them.

“I can’t even describe how I feel seeing this picture (talking about a slain youth). This is one of the Many Untold Stories,” Actor Mr. Macaroni wrote on Twitter. “Pelumi Onifade, a 20 year old journalist, covered the viral video of a Nigerian politician shooting at protesters. He was arrested and killed in custody.”

For generations Y and Z who wanted a change and have given their blood and resilience for it, the backdrop indicates that they will have to wait longer for it.