I listened to His Lordship, Sheik Ayuba Abubakar, a sheik and a judge of the high court of the federal capital territory, Abuja as he spoke during the Annual Ramadan Lecture held a few days ago. In the lecture, my Lord expressed great concern over the recent high rate of divorce amongst couples in the federal capital territory, especially young couples whose marriages are less than three years.
His Lordship while delivering the lecture said inter Alia “As a judge, we are having a high rate of divorce, especially the rate in the Federal Capital Territory is so alarming, young couples in two years, three years marriage, dragged themselves to courts”.
The other day as well, a judge of the FCT high court, Apo judicial division whom I appeared before some days ago also decried the high rate of divorce in his court, he said there is no day that passes without three divorce petitions mentioned before him to be adjudicated; he said that in fact 90% of the matters on the court’s course list are always divorce petitions and it’s involved marriages that are barely five years.
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Almost every high court judge in Abuja, Lagos and Portharcourt is sick and tired of having divorce cases being the order of the day before him on every court business day. State high courts are filled up with one-time love birds who are dragging each other’s shirts in court threatening to destroy and ruin each other. If I tell you that there are more than five thousand divorce cases currently pending at the FCT high court you will be flabbergasted, it is on record, I’m not exaggerating the figure.
I had a brief on Monday from a young lady who is just 24 years; she got married to her partner in December 2022 and barely 3 months into the marriage she is asking for a divorce. I asked her the reasons why she is resorting to divorce and honestly speaking the reasons are too trivial to lead to divorce. Ethical reasons will not let me reproduce her reasons for seeking divorce here because I would have loved to do that so you can judge for yourself.
While i am fully in support of divorce as a lawyer but I also advocate that divorce should only be resorted to when the marriage has “broken down irredeemably” or when it has to do with a life-and-death situation ie, a spouse’s life is at stake due to the physical abuse he/she is facing in the hand of the other partner. We should honour and respect the sanctity of marriage; it is and should be “till death do you part”. Divorce should be the last resort, it should be the last thing you consider when you have tried other things to make the marriage work and it all failed or your life is at risk in the marriage.
I vividly remember one time a random man called me as late as 2am and asked me to name whatever I need and send my quote that he need me to commence a divorce petition that night, according to him, he wants to wake up the next morning a divorce; I intentionally stalled him because from my experience, calling by that time means that he is currently having an issue with the wife which can be resolved when the anger has faded away. As expected, he called me back the next day and told me that I should no longer proceed with the divorce petition that he had settled with his spouse.
Sometimes when you listen to or read divorce briefs you will clearly see that the issue is what can easily be resolved and the couples go back to being married and living happily ever after but due to ego and immediate anger, they will resort to engaging in divorce. Without me sounding insensitive or downplaying the gravity of personal grievances; I make bold to say that most of the family and marital clashes that led to divorces are never worth it, they are mostly trivial issues that could have been resolved within the family.
I know it is unprofessional for me to say this as well but I will say it anyway; there is nobody I see that has divorced that did not end up regretting it especially when the marriage is blessed with children and the kids are still young and are caught in the middle of the divorce. Forget about the social media cover-ups or pretence of “happy divorcees”, deep down he/she wished that the marriage worked, the exception to this is a marriage where there is physical abuse. In fact there is no need of condoning marriage where there is abuse, if you condone it you may end up paying with your life.
Young couples should not be carried away by the social media frenzies that divorce is a good idea, it has never been and will never be a good idea. Instead of resorting to divorce, seek counselling; consult a counsellor, kill the ego, or take a break from each other to let the immediate anger or resentment that was nursing the divorce idea fade away.
I want you to take a moment and think again, do you really want a divorce or you are just angry?