You Must Get Married Syndrome!

You Must Get Married Syndrome!

Why do we rush our females into marriage?

Here’s what I have noticed while growing up – some parents do rush their female children into marriage.

There is this belief that females don’t have the luxury of time like men. Once a female child gets to 20 years of age, some parents would have started advising her on how to find the right suitor. Some would even tell her to start preparing for marriage. This way, some ladies have been forced into early marriages that never worked out for them. Some were unlucky and lost their lives while trying to endure the toxic marriage and crazy partner.

No one encourages them to further their education or build a promising career. There is an idiosyncratic belief in Africa that female children will always end up in the kitchen irrespective of the certificates or career growth. It’s an ancient belief that has limited and still limits our female’s development, I mean career-wise.

Men are being seen as the only bonafide member of the family. When they have a meeting, you would hardly see a woman. In fact, women don’t have a say in the meeting. They only need them when it is time to serve food and drinks to everyone present at the meeting. This myopic thinking and a blurry view about women by Africans have reduced the worth of women in African societies.

From the ancient landmark, women were treated as slaves and more of a sex toy. Picture those days, when a family is returning from the farm, you’d see the head of the house, i.e. the father, carrying just a hoe or cutlass with a keg of palm wine and holding a bushmeat, while the wife would carry the youngest child on her back, and also carry a basket of the food she would prepare for dinner on her head. When they get home, the man either goes to rest under a shade or play with his friends while he awaits his meal. The woman would still be the one to do all the chores alone.

There would be no support from the man. There are some men who believe that helping your wife to do some house chores, is a taboo. Some mother in law would even frown at the sight of their son doing house chores. They call men – ”The Master”.

There is this belief that men must be respected. They are being seen as a mini-god. But the women are given little or no regard. They would even impose a man on her at times.

When I look at all these things in African society, there is just one conclusion I could draw from it – ”Marriage madness.”

You must get married at a certain stage is killing our women’s dream and self-esteem. Some women become weak and fall for an unworthy partner just because they seem themselves as too old or irresponsible. Yes, African society makes unmarried women look irresponsible especially if she’s working.

I know a lady who made a terrible mistake because she was told – ”You’re getting old.”

Her parents made her see herself as too old to be single. She was just 35 as at then. They told her she might never get a husband. This made her sad and desperate. Given the fact that some ladies hit menopause in the late forties or early fifties, she started considering any man that comes her way.

She decided to endure a toxic relationship. She got married to the man and the rest was history. She couldn’t leave because she believed no man would want her again. During the process of staying with this abusive partner, she lost her left eye. Courtesy of the daily beating she receives from the man.

Why do we have to force our lady to go into marriage when they are not ready?

It makes no sense. Being married is not a goal. Not married is neither a curse as well. It’s a choice. Our societies need to take off this marriage stigma. Anyone who doesn’t want to get married should not be castigated or made to be seen as a worthless person.

The inner peace is all that matters. Some people don’t do well in relationships. If they can stay fine without it, let them be. At the end of the day, it is how well and not how far.

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One thought on “You Must Get Married Syndrome!

  1. Well done Chinedu! This is a master piece coming from you. I completely agree with your submission here, there has to be a mental shift in this era. Unfortunately, most of us grew up fitting into those mental pictures you painted in this article, our parents and grand parents were the actors, their kids were the spectators who plays out the role later on, but times have changed and it’s high time we unlearn everything they thought us in that aspect.

    Some men are brutally killing their wives abroad for this and other reasons, the women are refusing to be treated as slaves – they are refusing to carry the food basket on their head while holding a baby on the back with other loads on both hands- without help from their “Master”, and they are being maimed and murdered for that.

    Most African men must wake up to the age they’re in, the women also must find their self worth outside marriage. Like the author said, marriage should be choice based and in my opinion, if chosen, must be seen as a partnership where everyone is investing 100% equally into the treasury to build a solid institution for a rock solid ROI.

    The abuse of women in our continent must stop as it contributes to Africa’s underdevelopment, and in my honest opinion again, correcting this wrongs must be at the fore-front for any meaningful development to take place in Africa. – development starts from the mind! If in doubt, ask the West :)


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