Being a lawyer has really messed up my mindset about marriages and relationships lately. You need to see the tons of emails and calls I get daily from folks seeking my legal services to institute a proceeding for divorce for them (both men and ladies); I got two emails to that effect just today. The professional ethics of lawyer-client confidentiality binds me if not I should have shared some receipts of them here.

Due to the fact that I constantly write articles on law-related topics (including divorce), people get my email address from news blogs and messages from those seeking divorce keep trooping in on daily bases, this has forced me to raise this unprofessional but friendly alarm.

“It seems everyone wants a divorce. There’s no other better explanation for it”.

Sometimes when I ask about the duration of the marriages, some of these marriages are even barely up to a year. It seems everyone wants to be out of the marriage institution and you will be forced to ask yourself, does it mean that these days marriages are no longer working or what is really going on.

I know as a lawyer I should be eager to jump on those divorces briefs and go ahead to file the processes as much as the client is ready to pay me my professional fee (some of the clients don’t even care about how much the fee cost, they just want to be out of the marriage no matter what it takes) but as a human who has empathy before anything else, I am sometimes reluctant to take up some of those briefs, especially after carrying out due diligence inquiry and meeting with the client and I found out that the reason(s) he/she wants the divorce is too trivial that the court will not grant us audience.

Be it as it may, as a lawyer and as a human, I do not advocate that anybody remain in an abusive relationship; God forbid that I do that or ask a person to remain in a marriage that has failed completely but some of the issues or reasons why some of these clients want a divorce when you hear of it are just too trivial; just mere misunderstandings in most cases that the partners can talk through and settle it with makeup sex; unless they are not telling the lawyer everything or the real reason why they really want the divorce.

How can you ask a lawyer to institute a divorce because your husband does not answer your phone calls immediately or because your spouse snores or your spouse refuses to cook or wash for you? These are some of the reasons I hear from some clients and they will end it with “it’s a long story or lawyer you won’t understand, just go ahead with the divorce process, I’m tired of the marriage”.

I am honestly not an insensitive person; I am not insensitive to the fact that some of these issues are deeper than what they may seem on the face of it but sometimes it circles back to ego. A partner does want to let go of ego.

As a lawyer who is also a certified mediator and counselor, sometimes I can decipher that the relationship has not broken down irredeemably, the partners just need to talk things through, or that a partner just needs to let go of ego and apologize and they will live happily ever after.

In as much as the spouse is not abusive and you are not physically abused or mentally abused, whatever other reasons that do not fall into that category are always considered trivial by the court and the court will be reluctant to listen to the divorce proceedings because the marriage has not broken down irredeemably.

Some of you all need to understand that divorce is not as simple as you think. I have never seen a person that went through a divorce and remain the same, it also does have a huge negative effect on the children. Divorce is also very expensive. It is never cheap.

The litmus test before a court will grant a divorce is “has the marriage broken down irredeemably? have the partners tried all they could to make the marriage work and it is not working?; has a mediator or the lawyers to the spouses tried to mediate and seek amicable settlement of the partners and it failed?

If all the answers to these questions are in affirmative then the court will proceed and grant the divorce but if any answer to the above questions is in the negative then the court will be hesitant in hearing the divorce proceeding.

Most importantly, the court considers the duration of the marriage. The court will definitely be reluctant to grant a divorce for a marriage that is barely a year.

Criticism is the expression of disapproval of someone or something. In the same vein, a critic of a person, policy or system disapproves of them and expresses such a view publicly.

One who writes reviews and expresses opinions about books, films, music or any art work having considered it carefully can equally be referred to as a critic. Hence, it’s all about expressing a contrary view about something or someone in strong terms.

Criticism remains a matter of flushing out certain thoughts, policies and/or attitudes, or trying to change them. It is to show that things are not as self-evident as one believes.

Thus, criticism ensures that what is accepted as self-evident will no longer be accepted as such. It suffices to say that observance criticism in any society is a matter of making facile gestures or remarks difficult.

Criticisms are essential recipes in any area of human endeavour. For instance, in steward-client relationship, if the latter has a criticism to tender, it means he or she wants to give feedback on the services being rendered to him/her, thereby creating an opportunity for the former to learn more about the person he is working for and how to convert them into a satisfied client member. Same measure is applicable in a trader-customer relationship.

Similarly, in a business venture, working or partnering with someone who is patient and able to receive as well as act on criticism signifies that both parties involved can work towards a better or greater outcome. Furthermore, in movie production, criticism enables the producer to know what his audience actually wants.

If one always thinks he is right but doesn’t get feedback from anyone else, he wouldn’t know if he is really doing well. Whether you are selling, servicing, performing, or leading, listening and acting on those honest views or reactions will tell you precisely what is good and what could be done better. Perhaps, you can use the information to change your performance, exhibition or product, as the case may be.

In public service, criticism has the tendency of guiding the public servants away from bad practices, and towards good and acceptable ones. It would enable the said workers to take a step back or have a rethink with a view to making amends or adjustment where need be.

The socio-political arena is not left out while discussing the inevitable role of criticism in nation-building. Undoubtedly, a little constructive criticism from the members of the public such as the civil society groups, the electorate, the religious organizations, or what have you, channeled towards the political office holders can yield the anticipated change in the country or society in question.

Considering the positive impact of constructive criticism, there is no gain reiterating the fact that it is indeed a welcome gesture or required factor toward the socio-economic development of any nation, hence ought to be sustained. To this end, there is a need for us to acknowledge that the language we use in response to criticism is vitally important.

Whenever criticism is tendered by any concerned individual or group, the recipient is expected to try at all costs to avoid getting into an argument. Instead, they should turn the exchange into a discussion on how to resolve the predicament. Such an approach would keep the door open for the required change or correction.

Also, criticisms are not meant to be taken personally. Even if one feels he or she is being criticized unfairly, he shouldn’t retaliate with an extreme knee-jerk reaction. Such a response will worsen the situation and can even harm the person’s reputation as well. Therefore, it is important to always remember to not be offended by someone’s remarks even if you think it is a personal attack.

On the other hand, having noted the enormous significance of constructive criticism in nation-building, there is also a compelling need for the critics to be mindful at all times when tendering their criticisms. They ought to know when to tender the criticism and how it ought to be presented.

It’s worthy of note that some critics lack the orientation on when and how to present their criticism. This set of persons invariably tender their contrary opinions as a form of antagonism, thereby making the supposed/target recipient misunderstand the gesture.

More so, critics are meant to comprehend that criticism is expected to be accompanied by the presumed remedy to the anomaly that is being criticized. Most so-called critics usually end up raising a cloud of dust in the name of criticism.

Unequivocally, a criticism that is not tendered with a presumed solution to the problem being criticized is simply a mere noise that is intended to cause a pandemonium or controversy rather than addressing the situation at hand.

In view of these assertions, everyone at all levels including political leaders, followers, craftsmen, traders, businessmen, teachers and public servants, as might be the case, is expected to take criticism seriously regardless of the circumstance in order not to abuse the remarkable tool.

Criticism is arguably a veritable device, but it’s however required to be deployed reasonably and selflessly towards the needed societal growth.