“What do men want?” one of the women asked. “If my husband wants me everyday, I will give him access”, she added. “Why are their eyes always outside?” another quipped.
I was only a boy and not part of their conversation but these words stuck to my subconscious like iron fillings to a magnet. I was a bit worried because I knew that someday I would become a man and why should I leave my beautiful wife at home to chase other women.
And over two decades later, a man, I discovered why some men cheat in Daniel Goleman’s Social Intelligence where he described The Art of Flirting. He wrote:
The Irresistible Power of Flirts on Men
A woman parades past the bar heading for the powder room, tossing her hair and swaying her hips. As she promenades past a man who has caught her interest, she lets her eyes meet his for just a moment, and then, as she sees him starts to return her gaze, she quickly looks away. Her unstated message: Notice me.
A team of neuroscientists in London discovered that when a man receives the direct gaze of a woman he finds attractive, his brain activates a dopamine circuit that delivers a dollop of pleasure…But whether or not men find a given woman appealing, flirting itself pays off: men most frequently approach those women who flirt a lot, rather than the more attractive women who don’t flirt.
Back to the conversation those women were having, another one spoke lifting up her right hand over her head and down pointing to her groin, “What they go looking for in Sokoto is in their Shokoto.” “Ohoo!” They all chorused.
This article is not about cheats and flirts but the preceding story was needful to introduce the concept and purpose of:
What You Are Looking for In Sokoto Is In Your Shokoto
The City of Sokoto is almost a thousand kilometers from the City of Lagos where this saying is popular amongst the Yoruba of South-west Nigeria. But this wisdom resonates with all cultures in the world albeit known with different phrases and, that was exactly what Paulo Coelho discovered in his odyssey as Santiago in his best seller book, The Alchemist. He wrote in the Forward:
A man sets out on a journey, dreaming of a beautiful or magical place, in pursuit of some unknown treasure. At the end of his journey, the man realizes the treasure was with him the entire time. I was following my Personal Legend, and my treasure was my capacity to write.
The same spot Santiago had his recurring dream of a treasure buried far away at the base of the Pyramids of Egypt was actually where the treasure was buried. But because the dream was nebulous, and that is the nature of dreams, he had to pursue it across the Mediterranean and the Sahara Desert.
The distance between Andalusia, his home, and the Pyramids of Egypt was the process that Santiago needed to prepare him to better manage the treasure when he eventually found it. It is the inverse of the literal meaning that we must first look within to discover what’s in our Shokoto and avoid wasting time traveling to Sokoto that is the purpose of my writing.
What Lies at the Other Side of Curiosity
Santiago was oblivious of what lies in-between the space of Andalusia and the Pyramids of Egypt when he decided to pursue his dreams. He traveled many roads and met a Gypsy woman who interpreted his dreams. He met with Melchizedek; the King of Salem that gave him two crystal stones names Urim and Thummim to help him in deciphering unclear omens. He got employed by a crystal merchant for almost a year and earned more than he lost to a thief to continue his journey. He met an Englishman that sought for the Alchemist at the Oasis with three hundred wells and fifty thousand date trees. He met Fatima and fell in love. Then he met the mysterious Alchemist and he became one as he turned himself into the wind. And after a checkered journey that would have ended his life on two occasions, he returned home and found the treasure where he had the dream.
So, the space between Sokoto and Shokoto lies the instructions, lessons, wisdom, knowledge, training, events, places and men that build character and capacity of those who dare to chase their dreams to better handle the manifestation of their destiny. Hence, to discover your treasure immediately, without going through the space between your Sokoto and Shokoto is to invite ill-fortune and misery.
Go find your Personal Legend!