Cara Delevingne revealed she was on the brink of ending her life while struggling with drug addiction.
Content warning: Suicidal thoughts and drug addiction are discussed in this story. Cara Delevingne is reflecting on a challenging period in her life.
The Paper Towns actress openly discussed her battle with heroin addiction and the accompanying suicidal thoughts four years after she became sober.
“When I first started doing drugs, I was seeking connection and I felt like I found myself,” following a June 3 episode on Call Her Daddy, Cara revealed. “I loved fun and I loved dancing and I was like, ‘Oh this someone I really like. This is really cool.’ It was at a pretty young age that I started buying drugs to sell them and to do them.”
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The 33-year-old model said that she sold some of her drugs, but she said, "I wasn't a great drug dealer."
“I knew it was bad once I started doing them alone and how much I liked that,” Cara added. “And how much I knew people weren’t judging me for it and I could judge myself for it and that I could disappear.”
The former Victoria's Secret angel, who rose to popularity quickly in the early 2010s thanks to her work on the runway, acknowledged that her notoriety made it possible for her to use drugs more frequently.
“With work, it’s not a problem because I’m working and making money,” she observed. “I would be in a state, I would definitely be more f--ked up than people but when you’re in your 20s you can do that a little more.”
Additionally, living in the spotlight brought with it heightened emotions that her drug use was unable to subdue.
“The suicidal ideation came back around when I was at my height of fame,” she uttered those words.. “When I should’ve been the most happy and I felt the most guilty and I felt the most like I didn’t deserve any of it and I was so close to ending my life.”
The singer of "I Feel Everything" revealed that music served as a much-needed wake-up call, despite the support of relatives and close friends.
“Music at that moment really saved me,” she went on to say. “A song came on shuffle when I was alone in a hotel room and it was a song that was played at a friend’s funeral who died of an overdose. That’s the thing when you’re in that position where you can try to end your life or not and it was such a quick flip.”
As she remembered, “It was like, ‘What am I doing?’ Why am I doing this? I can’t believe I am in this place.’ And I threw all the drugs down the toilet.”
Naturally, Cara acknowledged that it also involved meeting Minke, her girlfriend of four years (actual name: Leah Mason).
“We went to school together and from the moment we re-met after school I was like, ‘F--k, you make me feel safe,’” she disclosed. “And that is something I haven’t felt and I am way more terrified of that that I’ve ever been of love because in that moment I was like, ‘Oh no, I’m starting to realize how bad this is.’”
Cara realized right away that her girlfriend was a part of her recovery process.
“I was honest with her from the first get-go,” she pointed out. “I was like, ‘I have a problem.’"
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